Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just invented taco cereal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
