1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
