My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
