Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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