And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
