He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
