i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
