i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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