well you can't waste a boner
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
