i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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