when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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