you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
