Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
