No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
