would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
