I wish I could punch you in the face.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize