hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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