Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
