Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
