scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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