Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
