last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
