Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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