Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
