Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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