The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
