So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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