How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
