I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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