it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
