I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
