as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
