I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My dick has a subreddit
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
