There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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