I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
