I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
