there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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