He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
