real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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