"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
