grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
