I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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