You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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