I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
