no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
