I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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