im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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