Rock
Scissors
Fuck
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Randomize
