Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
