i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
