I accidentally burped into my bong.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
