I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
