took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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