We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
