either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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