i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
