My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
