A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
