There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
