Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
