Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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