I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
