...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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