The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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