I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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