I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
one two three fourrrrnication!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
