i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
