It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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