Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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