All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
