sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
