I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
