I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
