'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
