chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize