Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
