dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
