if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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