You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
