College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
