He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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