You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
