Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
