It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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