Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
