Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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