Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
