Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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