I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
