Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
