Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
