Are we in a gay sports bar?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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