Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
