It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
