I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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