I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
