tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
