I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
