all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
