A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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