In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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